Thursday, January 18, 2007

To be honest

I shouldn't only write about the rosy stuff. The truth is that Hyderabad has been HARD on me. It is largely Muslim and mayn of the women wear full black burquas, making them rather difficult to socialize with, and the men just ogle my boobs and hiss heeeyyy baby. There doesn't seem to be a Western soul among this status-conscious, conservative city of 4 million, and I have not really interacted with anyone for the past three days.

The truth is that I have been weepy and pitiful. Every auto-rickshaw driver I have had here, every single one, has tried to cheat me in one way or another, usually by demanding payment for more than we agreed on. I am fed up and don't know how to be aggressive enough to defend myself without getting totally out of line. So this morning, when some stupid teenage driver tried to take me for all I'm worth, I yelled and scolded and demanded, drawing quite a crowd. As much as the men holler back and forth, it is uncommon for women to do the same, but I didn't care. I was able to get rid of him, but the trauma of the confrontation made desperate tears come to my eyes that just would not stop! I wandered around the Golconda Fort ruins, teary, snotting and muttering to myself. I had partly come there because it is the biggest tourist attraction in town, but it was just me and a couple field trips of fourth graders.

This is my low point. A journey like mine is akin to a symphony...sweet in the beginning, intensifying and coming to a dramatic climax in the middle, and (hopefully) gently slowing down to end melodiously. I am in the thick of it now, and I believe it will pass as I leave town tonight to resume my project visits. I will get out of the city finally: it is a cruel fate to visit Bangkok, Chennai and Hyderabad back to back. The honking and noise pollution has been ringing in my ears for many days now, and my lungs feel the burden of endless diesel pollution.

All I long for is connection, interaction. I never realized until now just how precious it is to be surrounded by friends who can relate to my experiences on a daily basis. I feel vulnerable to write these things and cast them out into the middle of the unknown cybersea, hoping they will be caught and well received. Life requires faith and hope, and I know that my trials will soon fade into mere memories.

1 comment:

Isadora said...

Jess-

Sister, I know how you feel! I´ve past through many waves of those types of feelings and I think I´ve learned how to not be bowled over by them. I hope that´s not hubris, coming to bite me in the butt someday soon.. I´ll leave you with one of my favorite Kimya quotes. "Chin up girl, you´ve got to be strong and know when you´re singing, I´m singing along.."
con amor, Doña